I like the idea of living skillfully. I remember hearing one of my all-time favorite teachers, the late Dr. Leo Buscalia, talk about his college course on love, stating that he felt we could all benefit from being taught how to love effectively. I agree, and I think the same could be said about the value of learning to live effectively. There are skills, techniques, and practices that when applied make life easier and more joyful. The practice of receiving with grace and ease is certainly life enhancing.
In my daily experiences I see how people’s lives are improved when they receive what’s offered. My college students’ grades climb when they receive and apply my feedback. I recall friends recovering from injuries or surgery whose bodies healed more quickly when they learned to receive help from their families. My clients’ work-life balance is enhanced when they let go and accept help from others, as appropriate. The caregivers I work with get the respite they need when they allow their care-receivers’ family members to provide assistance occasionally. My coworkers’ moods lift when they receive compliments on their performance or even their appearance.
Yes, being able to receive with grace and ease is a life skill to be developed and used regularly. This week, observe your skill level in this area and see if it’s something you could improve upon.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Helpful Habits
I stopped by my local Weight Watchers center yesterday for my monthly weigh-in and saw a poster on the wall entitled: Helpful Habits. Since helping people create and sustain healthy habits is the primary mission of Nurture You, this caught my eye. I took particular notice of the first and last items on the list.
The first habit was to ask for help. This is so relevant to learning to receive with grace and ease, because asking for help implies we’re willing to accept it. If you find it difficult to receive in general, why not give this habit a try with something small, such as asking for assistance carrying something or help with the dishes? Perhaps someone you live with could run an errand for you or take out the recycling tonight. Allow yourself to accept the help, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Taking small steps is often a successful way to build a new habit.
The last item on the list of habits was to take care of yourself. This could involve receiving from someone else, as discussed above, or it could be mean receiving from yourself. How do you give to yourself? Have you ever been told to cut yourself some slack? The 1971 book, How to Be Your Own Best Friend, comes to mind, as does the reminder I received years ago to talk to myself the way I would to my best friend. I often work with clients on learning to say “no” to requests that don’t serve them or to let what they’ve done be enough. These are all things I continue to remind myself of and are ways you can give to yourself.
Learning to receive with grace and ease is an ongoing process for many of us, and like any skill we work at, it gets easier. Let’s acknowledge our discomfort with receiving, and do it anyway so it becomes a habit.
The first habit was to ask for help. This is so relevant to learning to receive with grace and ease, because asking for help implies we’re willing to accept it. If you find it difficult to receive in general, why not give this habit a try with something small, such as asking for assistance carrying something or help with the dishes? Perhaps someone you live with could run an errand for you or take out the recycling tonight. Allow yourself to accept the help, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Taking small steps is often a successful way to build a new habit.
The last item on the list of habits was to take care of yourself. This could involve receiving from someone else, as discussed above, or it could be mean receiving from yourself. How do you give to yourself? Have you ever been told to cut yourself some slack? The 1971 book, How to Be Your Own Best Friend, comes to mind, as does the reminder I received years ago to talk to myself the way I would to my best friend. I often work with clients on learning to say “no” to requests that don’t serve them or to let what they’ve done be enough. These are all things I continue to remind myself of and are ways you can give to yourself.
Learning to receive with grace and ease is an ongoing process for many of us, and like any skill we work at, it gets easier. Let’s acknowledge our discomfort with receiving, and do it anyway so it becomes a habit.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Gracious Receiving
“There are times in life when we have to be a gracious receiver.”
Michelle Duggar
Do you recognize who made this statement? Michelle Duggar is the mother of 19 children; she and her family are featured on 19 Kids and Counting shown on cable television’s TLC network. In the past two years, Michelle has undergone some life-threatening health challenges in addition to giving birth to her latest baby at just 25 weeks of gestation. She knows what she is speaking about when she talks about the need to receive graciously.
My research showed that serious illnesses and accidents force many people into a condition of having to receive. However, if you think about it, every single person on the planet was born needy and had to receive to survive. Some degree of neediness continued for many years and in some respects never leaves us. While most of us learn to make exchanges for the basic necessities of life, the things on Maslow’s lower levels of his Hierarchy of Needs such as food and shelter, higher needs on his pyramid cannot necessarily be bought or acquired by exchange – esteem, friendship and love. It’s true that we usually arrive at states of high self esteem, friendship, and love through a process of giving and receiving, but haven’t you experienced people unwilling to receive your gestures of friendship or love?
Although some people may not admit it, to be healthy and thrive, we all need love. We need someone to care about us and for us, whether we’re able to give them anything first, or in exchange, or not. To live a rich and full life, we simply must learn to be a gracious receiver.
Michelle Duggar
Do you recognize who made this statement? Michelle Duggar is the mother of 19 children; she and her family are featured on 19 Kids and Counting shown on cable television’s TLC network. In the past two years, Michelle has undergone some life-threatening health challenges in addition to giving birth to her latest baby at just 25 weeks of gestation. She knows what she is speaking about when she talks about the need to receive graciously.
My research showed that serious illnesses and accidents force many people into a condition of having to receive. However, if you think about it, every single person on the planet was born needy and had to receive to survive. Some degree of neediness continued for many years and in some respects never leaves us. While most of us learn to make exchanges for the basic necessities of life, the things on Maslow’s lower levels of his Hierarchy of Needs such as food and shelter, higher needs on his pyramid cannot necessarily be bought or acquired by exchange – esteem, friendship and love. It’s true that we usually arrive at states of high self esteem, friendship, and love through a process of giving and receiving, but haven’t you experienced people unwilling to receive your gestures of friendship or love?
Although some people may not admit it, to be healthy and thrive, we all need love. We need someone to care about us and for us, whether we’re able to give them anything first, or in exchange, or not. To live a rich and full life, we simply must learn to be a gracious receiver.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Why Do You Give?
For those who prefer giving over receiving, let me ask you, “Why do you give?” Have you ever thought about this? If I brainstormed this question with a group, I expect we’d list reasons such as: it feels good; because it’s better to give than to receive; to avoid feeling guilty about receiving; because I can – I have the time, the money, the talent, etc.; because people need me to; to express my gratitude; and because others have given to me. We also might get some less than positive reasons such as I give because I have to, it’s expected of me, or some other variation of “I’m obligated to.”
What do you think about giving so you can receive? Having studied this process, I know it’s not possible to give without receiving, as I’ve said a number of times. When we feel the need to receive, is it wrong or perhaps counterproductive to give as a way to increase our likelihood of receiving what we need? I don’t think so. First of all, I can’t forget what I know. I know giving will facilitate my receiving. I can’t blindly give without at least a passing thought that I might be more inclined to receive, especially if my need is pressing. Second, I think we rarely are so single-minded that we do things for only one reason. I give for many of the reasons I listed above, so if one of the reasons I give is so that I can receive more easily, so be it. Finally, lots of prosperity teachers, Catherine Ponder for one, suggest giving more as one of many ways we can enhance the flow of good into our lives.
The important thing is the spirit with which we give. Ideally it’s not out of obligation or just so that we can receive more, but rather because we can, we truly want to, and we know everyone will be blessed as a result.
What do you think about giving so you can receive? Having studied this process, I know it’s not possible to give without receiving, as I’ve said a number of times. When we feel the need to receive, is it wrong or perhaps counterproductive to give as a way to increase our likelihood of receiving what we need? I don’t think so. First of all, I can’t forget what I know. I know giving will facilitate my receiving. I can’t blindly give without at least a passing thought that I might be more inclined to receive, especially if my need is pressing. Second, I think we rarely are so single-minded that we do things for only one reason. I give for many of the reasons I listed above, so if one of the reasons I give is so that I can receive more easily, so be it. Finally, lots of prosperity teachers, Catherine Ponder for one, suggest giving more as one of many ways we can enhance the flow of good into our lives.
The important thing is the spirit with which we give. Ideally it’s not out of obligation or just so that we can receive more, but rather because we can, we truly want to, and we know everyone will be blessed as a result.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Last week I shared a bit of my writing with some fellow authors to get their feedback and suggestions. I read two pages from the introduction of Learning to Receive with Grace and Ease. I opened with a quotation from Wallace Wattles’ The Science of Getting Rich in which he writes, “It is perfectly right that you should desire to be rich; if you are a normal man or woman you cannot help doing so.” Most of the writers seemed offended by this statement, thinking it suggested taking or getting rather than receiving.
I was startled by their reaction. I was introduced to Wattles’ book in a class on prosperity being offered my church. The emphasis is not on getting, because that implies there isn’t enough and I have to strive to get what I need – and my doing so may leave someone else with not enough. The foundation of the workshop and The Science of Getting Rich is that we live in prosperity. This is always more than enough for everyone; it just doesn’t always appear that way.
In reality, it is possible for everyone to be “rich.” Consider that not everyone would define “rich” in the same way. We all don’t want the same things. In addition, if you look around, you’ll see abundance everywhere in nature – oxygen, water, sand, stars, and countless species of plants and animals. You’ll also notice that these life forms are supplied with what they need (unless we humans have upset nature’s balance). I like to remember that Jesus said, “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10) Don’t be afraid to define what it would mean for you to be rich or to desire it!
I was startled by their reaction. I was introduced to Wattles’ book in a class on prosperity being offered my church. The emphasis is not on getting, because that implies there isn’t enough and I have to strive to get what I need – and my doing so may leave someone else with not enough. The foundation of the workshop and The Science of Getting Rich is that we live in prosperity. This is always more than enough for everyone; it just doesn’t always appear that way.
In reality, it is possible for everyone to be “rich.” Consider that not everyone would define “rich” in the same way. We all don’t want the same things. In addition, if you look around, you’ll see abundance everywhere in nature – oxygen, water, sand, stars, and countless species of plants and animals. You’ll also notice that these life forms are supplied with what they need (unless we humans have upset nature’s balance). I like to remember that Jesus said, “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10) Don’t be afraid to define what it would mean for you to be rich or to desire it!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
You Do Not Get What You Pray For
I’m finally starting to figure out that I cannot expect to get what I pray for. Over the years, I’ve gotten the impression that prayers do work, although sometimes it may take a while. I suspect there was more to my spiritual teachers’ messages that I was overlooking. The way I now believe it works is this: you do not get what you pray for. You get what you believe you will get.
Jesus actually made this clear on several occasions. “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer” (Matt 21:22) is one example. Notice the statement starts with the qualifying point. However, being so action oriented in our culture, it’s much easier for most of us to pray than to believe.
Can’t we just keep asking and believe after we’ve received? I’ve tried this approach for years, without much success. Occasionally I have received things I never thought I would. Rev. Lei Lanni Burt explains that there is always more with God. I like to think of these blessings as encouragement from God, because it is easier to believe when we have received in the past.
To receive what we desire, let’s first stop and examine what we believe. When you start a new treatment plan, make a different choice or try something new, are you skeptical? When the results don’t come, do you find yourself thinking, “I knew it wouldn’t work”? If you catch yourself in doubt, spend time considering what thoughts you could hold that would build your belief. You may want to read my blog post from October 10, 2010 – Remember What You Know to help you create your own list of times you have received. Finally, consider making your first prayer one for greater faith.
Jesus actually made this clear on several occasions. “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer” (Matt 21:22) is one example. Notice the statement starts with the qualifying point. However, being so action oriented in our culture, it’s much easier for most of us to pray than to believe.
Can’t we just keep asking and believe after we’ve received? I’ve tried this approach for years, without much success. Occasionally I have received things I never thought I would. Rev. Lei Lanni Burt explains that there is always more with God. I like to think of these blessings as encouragement from God, because it is easier to believe when we have received in the past.
To receive what we desire, let’s first stop and examine what we believe. When you start a new treatment plan, make a different choice or try something new, are you skeptical? When the results don’t come, do you find yourself thinking, “I knew it wouldn’t work”? If you catch yourself in doubt, spend time considering what thoughts you could hold that would build your belief. You may want to read my blog post from October 10, 2010 – Remember What You Know to help you create your own list of times you have received. Finally, consider making your first prayer one for greater faith.
Friday, July 22, 2011
The Third of Three Power Practices for Receiving - Giving
I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that there are three power practices for enhancing our ability to receive: gratitude and forgiveness were the first two, and the third is to give. I guarantee you that if you give from your heart and there is someone willing to receive it, you will receive something. At the very least, I know you will receive the joy of having given. I believe, deep down, that’s the reason most people who love to give do so – because it feels good! Being appreciated, helping another person, using our talents to bless others, these are all things that fulfill and reward us.
This weekend I go again to the women’s prison in Perryville, AZ to conduct a couple of my wellness workshops. Every six months when my schedule permits I meet with about 20 inmates who are due to be released within the next six months or so. We discuss ways they can eat well, be active, and balance their lives so that they can be physically well as they transition to life on the outside again. While there is no monetary compensation for my efforts, the emotional rewards are abundant. The women hang on my every word. They are SO appreciative that I’ve given up my Saturday morning for them. They teach me a wonderful lesson in the power of gratitude. That’s partly why I know gratitude is a power practice for receiving. In reality, I haven’t given up anything for them. I receive so much fulfillment, respect, and joy from my visits that I come out receiving far more than I give.
It’s critical to remember that when giving we must do so from a spirit of love and generosity. We do not give so that we can receive. We give because we have something (time, attention, money, talent, expertise, etc.) that would bless another. We give because we have received in the past and feels right and good to take our turn to give. We do not give until it hurts or because we feel obligated. We give because we are so grateful for what we have that we naturally want others to be blessed by it as well.
It’s been a pleasure sharing these three power practices for receiving with you. I hope you find them to be as effective as I have. For more on enhancing your ability to receive, you can view all my blog posts here.
This weekend I go again to the women’s prison in Perryville, AZ to conduct a couple of my wellness workshops. Every six months when my schedule permits I meet with about 20 inmates who are due to be released within the next six months or so. We discuss ways they can eat well, be active, and balance their lives so that they can be physically well as they transition to life on the outside again. While there is no monetary compensation for my efforts, the emotional rewards are abundant. The women hang on my every word. They are SO appreciative that I’ve given up my Saturday morning for them. They teach me a wonderful lesson in the power of gratitude. That’s partly why I know gratitude is a power practice for receiving. In reality, I haven’t given up anything for them. I receive so much fulfillment, respect, and joy from my visits that I come out receiving far more than I give.
It’s critical to remember that when giving we must do so from a spirit of love and generosity. We do not give so that we can receive. We give because we have something (time, attention, money, talent, expertise, etc.) that would bless another. We give because we have received in the past and feels right and good to take our turn to give. We do not give until it hurts or because we feel obligated. We give because we are so grateful for what we have that we naturally want others to be blessed by it as well.
It’s been a pleasure sharing these three power practices for receiving with you. I hope you find them to be as effective as I have. For more on enhancing your ability to receive, you can view all my blog posts here.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
