Jesus as a Receiver

Today many of us will celebrate the birth of Jesus, perhaps the most well-known man ever to live. Many of us think of Jesus as a giver, not a receiver. He gave prayers, healing, food, wine, comfort, and peace to people of all ages and backgrounds. Yet he also received a great deal, something I rarely give thought to.

Of course, we’re reminded at this time of year that the three kings gave Jesus gold, frankincense and myrrh at his birth.

While we don’t know much about his childhood, we’re told that as an adult he frequently received meals and housing, often from strangers. Some have suggested his robe was a gift, since Scripture says it was seamless, an expensive garment he was unlikely to have afforded. The gospel of Luke relates the story of the woman sinner who bathed Jesus’ feet with her tears, dried them with her hair, and then kissed and anointed them with ointment. The donkey that carried Jesus on his celebratory ride into town was borrowed, and Nicodemus brought 100 pounds of spices to anoint his body for burial. Finally, Joseph of Arimathea donated his own tomb for Jesus’ use.

Perhaps the most important lesson for us to remember this season is that Jesus frequently asked for guidance and strength, as he retreated alone to pray. Based on his legendary works and his frequent instruction to us to pray and ask for what we need, it is apparent that he received what he sought. Let us follow the Master Teacher’s example this season and joyfully ask for and receive what we need.

Forced to Receive

Exploring the process of learning to receive with grace and ease has been fascinating. I truly believe that we must be able to receive to live a full and happy life, but there are still those who resist learning to overcome their discomfort with receiving. Many of these people tell me they have been forced into receiving to survive.

My research shows that there are typically two circumstances that oblige people to ask for or at least accept help. The first is illness. Today the most common ailment forcing the issue is cancer, although stroke and HIV/AIDS are two other debilitating experiences that necessitate accepting assistance. People with these conditions report initial feelings of guilt and shame at needing help, which only adds to the suffering they endure. Financial distress is the other situation where people report being compelled to ask for help, typically due to job loss or divorce. Here the embarrassment and shame are even greater, as many feel as if they’ve failed in their responsibility to support themselves. Eventually, most grow to be more accepting, with some adopting a “pay it forward” mindset.

While some may view these occurrences as punishments, many of my spiritual teachers tend to see them as opportunities given to us (or perhaps thrust upon us would be more accurate) for our soul’s growth. Because giving and receiving are a process that cannot be taken apart, givers must eventually receive. As I’ve said before, receivers always bless the giver, so one who truly loves giving will ultimately learn how to receive as another form of giving.

This is the perfect time of year to increase your comfort with receiving all forms of blessing. I wish you great joy in your giving and receiving!

It’s the Season for Giving – and Receiving

It’s the time of year that can give people who have difficulty receiving a hard time. The season of giving is naturally the season of receiving as well; otherwise there’d be no giving!

So how’s it going for you so far? Have you gotten any unexpected gifts? What does it feel like to receive a gift from someone who wasn’t on your shopping list? For most people, it’s not comfortable. The idea of reciprocating is so engrained in us that receiving without giving in return is almost unbearable for some people. I remember an episode of Fraser where Martin (Fraser’s father) and Daphne, his caregiver, struggled with this very thing. They ended up having quite a row, as Daphne would put it.

I find it helpful to put myself in the other person’s shoes. How would I feel if I gave a present to someone who did not give one to me? Most likely, I’d be fine with it. After all, why did I give the gift? Because I wanted to, not to get one in return or because I thought I had to. It could be that I saw something I thought they would enjoy, or perhaps I felt especially thankful for their friendship and wanted to express it with something tangible. Whatever the reason, remember that in the vast majority of cases, the giver gives simply for the joy of giving. Your gratitude and appreciation are the gifts the giver hoped to receive, nothing more. If you feel compelled to give something in return, how about a hand-written thank you note? In this day of email and text messages, it will not only be cherished but also unique!

Let’s remember this holiday season that our greatest gifts to one another are gratitude and appreciation.

Holding Space

I first heard the phrase “holding space” at a conference on spirituality in the workplace held at Unity of Phoenix. At the time I had no idea what the Unity Movement or New Thought were and I didn’t really know what the phrase meant, but it intrigued me. Through my studies in both Unity and Religious Science, it’s become a familiar notion to me, although I don’t know that I’ve ever heard anyone formally define it.

For me, holding space means allowing a possibility to exist in our thoughts and consciousness. Holding space is a very helpful concept to embrace when we’d like to receive something. It’s been said that if you can’t imagine it, you can’t have it. When we’re filled with doubt, worry, fear, or concern, these negative thoughts take up space in our minds. As Prentice Mulford stated, thoughts are things. For many of us, our worry thoughts are so pervasive they can literally crowd out any contrary thoughts we’d like to hold. If seeing this physically is difficult for you, translate it into time. If you spend all your time fretting, you won’t have time for believing, visualizing the best, and simply feeling good.

Can you “hold space” for what you’d like? How do you begin? If worrying is a habit of yours, as it is for many of us, try what some therapists suggest and schedule a specific, limited worry time for yourself. Allow ten minutes for worry thoughts (or less if that will work!) and set an alarm. When you’re done, gently remind yourself that your worry time is over – and you’ll have time tomorrow to go back to those thoughts if you must. Have a positive thought or memory at hand that you can immediate substitute for any fear, worry, or doubt that may creep back into your consciousness.

Thoughts are things. This week hold space for only the highest and best thoughts in your mind and see what happens.

Keep Moving

Here in Phoenix, we have many gated communities. While you need to know the code to open the gate to enter, all you need to do to exit is to drive up to the gate. If you stop as you approach the closed gate, it won’t open. You have to slowly proceed toward the gate, even though it’s closed, until you’re close enough to trigger it to open.

Many of my teachers tell me life works the same way. The open door, the next opportunity, the solution is not quite visible, but we have to keep moving. I know someone who has wanted to leave one part time job she’s had for many years and find another, more satisfying one. She recently found the new job, but the hours weren’t certain, so she kept the old one just in case. This week she’s decided that the additional hours in the new job won’t come until she releases the old position, so she’s given her notice. She’s driving up to the gate!

I dated a man many years ago who, unbeknownst to me, had a similar habit of hanging on to relationships. He was so fearful of being alone that he’d start a new relationship with someone while still seeing the other person he really wanted to release, not letting either party in on this practice. I’m sure you can imagine the potential for distress in this situation, which unfortunately became very real for me.

The lesson for those of us desiring to receive is twofold: keep moving toward our goal, our good, and fearlessly let go of that which no longer serves us. If a manmade gate automatically opens when we drive up to it, certainly the Universe will manage to open the door to greater good for us as we approach.

Giving Thanks

It’s Thanksgiving week, a time for family, gratitude and memories. One of my Thanksgiving traditions is to attend a church service on Wednesday evening. A few years ago, Creative Living Fellowship in Phoenix held a particularly meaningful service for Thanksgiving.

In this service, Rev. Dr. Michele Whittington suggested that the congregation be thankful for everything, absolutely every thing, even those things we didn’t like so much. She invited us to recognize the good that one each held. For instance, she pointed out that the gas shortage taking place at the time was spurring auto manufacturers to step up production of alternative fuel vehicles, blessing our planet and decreasing our dependence on oil. People were also conserving gas by riding their bicycles more, a benefit to their health. As the evening progressed, I was amazed how much good was uncovered in the events and circumstances most people considered bad.

What is happening right now in your life for which you find it hard to feel grateful? If it’s difficult to identify the good in it, think about what that situation has forced you to do. Who have you met as a result? What new experience have you had because of this occurrence? Have you discovered a skill or quality in yourself that you didn’t know you had? If not, I encourage you to be thankful for it anyway and see what happens. Your grateful heart will make you feel better and attract more blessings to you.

I hope you have very happy Thanksgiving!

Accepting Without Receiving

We’ve been looking at when to accept what’s offered and when to let it pass. There are times that land somewhere in the middle, when it may be best to accept what’s offered, even though we’d rather not receive it. It is possible to accept what’s given at the moment and then decide later what we’ll do with it.

This category can include suggestions, complaints, criticism, and well-intentioned gifts such as food (e.g., the proverbial holiday fruit cake). Maybe it’s your in-laws who always know best how to handle the kids or a co-worker who suggests a better way to do your job. Years ago when I worked in management my staff would give me homemade treats, which while appearing delicious did not fit into my weight control program well. I learned to accept what was offered, put it aside, and decide later whether I would take it home to share, eat a portion of it, or dispose of it altogether. We can take that same approach with suggestions and criticism. A reply of “thanks, I’ll give that consideration” is usually all it takes to end the conversation on a positive note. Note that you did not say how much consideration you would give it or whether you would use the advice at all.

Learning to receive with grace and ease includes learning how to accept without truly receiving. This is easier when we keep in mind that the giver is really trying to be helpful and that what we resist persists. Say “thank you” and just move on.