Finding Help

I’m working on my final speech to earn my Advanced Communicator Bronze award at Toastmasters.  It’s an after-dinner speech called “Do the Impossible.”  One of my tips for accomplishing the impossible is to seek expert advice.  This suggestion also applies when we’re striving to receive something, as often acquiring our goal can seem impossible.

Thankfully help is all around us.  With care, you can locate good advice for free on the Internet, for example.  (Note the qualifier - with care!)  There are also experts and coaches for everything imaginable.  I have recently read two books by experts that are great resources for people when they need help.  The first is The Working Mommy’s Manual by Nicole Corning.  Nicole speaks from her own experience and offers a wide variety of ideas beginning with the pregnancy and continuing through raising children and keeping peace with the in-laws.  This is a terrific guide for mothers, fathers, and bosses who have working parents on their staff.

The other book is by one of my favorite authors, Steven Lane Taylor.  If you want to make life easier for yourself, read his book, Further Down The Stream: 101 More Tips for Living Life in the DivineFlow. It’s like a box of chocolates that doesn’t go to your hips or raise your blood cholesterol! 

If you’re looking for more help, check out the resources page of my website or email me.  I’m blessed to know experts in many fields that are sure to make it easier for you to receive with grace and ease.

You Can Get There from Here

Learning to receive with grace and ease involves many elements, as I mentioned last week.  Another critical skill is being able to keep moving forward when we don’t know the way.  If we’re alert, we can see the next step, but typically we can’t see very far down the road, no matter how hard we look.

You may recall Jack Canfield’s comments about this in the movie The Secret. He advised us to think about the headlights on our car.  We drive at night, sometimes only able to see 200 feet ahead of us.  We just keep going forward, with small sections of our path becoming clear as we progress.  In the 2012 Summer Olympics you may have heard a similar story told about Olympian Michael Phelps’ experience in the 2008 games where his goggles flooded during the first lap of one race.  Soon he was unable to see anything!  Being a champion, he continued to swim, counting his strokes all the way to a medal.

The lessons here are threefold: keep moving, use what you know, and have faith.  It’s appropriate to stop and wait for guidance, provided we don’t get stuck.  If fear is what keeps you from moving, it’s probably time to get going again.  Remember what you know; for Phelps, it was how many strokes he took in one lap.  We almost always know more than we realize.  Finally, have faith that the way will be made clear.  You really can get there from here.

The Stone Was Moved

To achieve the life we dream of, we need to learn how to receive with grace and ease.  This is a process involving numerous skills, and one of those is the ability to keep making progress even when it seems like we’re not capable of doing what we need to do.  We may lack the knowledge we need or maybe we don’t have the resources experts say are required.  This can leave us paralyzed by confusion and fear.  Perhaps we’ve taken on more than we’re up for.

When I find myself holding these thoughts, I love to remember the New Testament story from the gospel of Mark where the women went to Jesus’ tomb to anoint his body.  On the way there they worried about how they would roll away the large stone that sealed the tomb.  When they arrived, however, they found that the stone was already moved and their way was clear!  Furthermore they were told by an angel that Jesus had gone on to Galilee ahead of them, just as he had promised.

The thing to keep in mind is that the women didn’t let their concern prevent them from moving forward.  They gathered their spices and went to tomb. There they received exactly what they needed.  In addition, they were given the assurance that help and guidance were already in place, waiting to assist them as required.  Let us keep moving in the direction of our dreams, confident that the “stone” will be moved!

Darkest Just Before the Dawn?

“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the time and place that the tide will turn.”  

Harriet Beecher Stowe, Novelist, 1811 - 1886

 Is it really darkest just before dawn?  I could not verify this, but it sure seems that way when we need to receive.  Based on the above quotation from Harriet Beecher Stowe, it appears she would have agreed.  I love her expression of hope, though!  In fact, my daughter gave me this quotation years ago, and I’ve had it taped on my desk ever since.
   

Persistence is critical when we are looking to receive.  Charles Fillmore thought so.  Consider the following words from this co-founder of the Unity movement: “There are many persons who will to be prosperous and who have made up their minds, as they think, very determinedly.  But they have not overcome all doubts, and when their demonstration is delayed, as it is in such cases, the doubt increases until they lose faith altogether.  What they need is more persistence and determination.”

   

If this issue speaks to you, recommit to claiming what you desire to receive-- an answer, a partner, greater prosperity, a buyer for your home--whatever it may be.  Make a list of the resources you have to help you stay in belief.  Include inspirational reading and music, friends you could contact who will stand with you, and your own list of previous experiences you’ve had receiving what you needed.  Finally, don’t forget to visit my blog at http://artandscienceofreceiving.blogspot.com/ to see all my posts on learning to receive with grace and ease.

Foiled Attempts to Give

Most of us have heard the story about the old man caught in a flood who, waiting for God to save him, died after he turned down three different good Samaritans attempting to help him.  I’ve used that tale myself to illustrate the importance of being open minded about how our good shows up when we need to receive.  Recently I thought about this story from a different perspective, that of the would-be rescuers.

What if the tale were true?  Can you imagine how the three kind souls would have felt if they’d learned of the man’s demise?  Have you ever attempted to give guidance, feedback, or help only to have it rejected?  There may be a temptation to say “I told you so” or “I tried to warn you.”  On the other hand, you may feel guilty or frustrated that your good intentions were not well received, particularly if it involved someone you truly care for.

Having been in this position, I found it took time for me to realize that I had nothing to resent or regret.  Sometimes after considerable angst, I came to accept that I did all I could do and now needed yto let go and let God.  Givers cannot be responsible for the receiver’s actions or response.  Giving and receiving is a process, and givers only have control over the giving part; the receiving is up to the other party.  If they’re not ready or willing to accept what is offered, it does not diminish the giver’s efforts. 

Remember, this holds true with our children, parents, subordinates, siblings, and friends.  Go easy on yourself; give from your heart and let it go.

The Unexpected Good Stuff

       Evelyn: Nothing here has worked out quite as I expected.
       Muriel: Most things don't. But sometimes what happens instead is the good stuff.

This bit of dialogue from the movie The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel is one of my favorite parts of the film.  (Leave it to Judi Dench (Evelyn) and Maggie Smith (Muriel) to come through for us again!)  It makes two very worthwhile points.

First, most things don’t work out the way we expect.  I’ve found that to be true in both directions: some things are better than I thought they would be (remember the TV show Doogie Howser?) while others don’t live up to my expectations (such as this fourth of July at the ballgame when the D’backs lost and two guys next to us got into a fight and carried on all through the fireworks).  It’s easy to receive when things unexpectedly turn out well, but how well do you accept the disappointments?  Can you see the blessings in those?  These might well be the times Muriel is referring to as “the good stuff,” a second memorable point from the film.  

To receive with grace and ease, we need to be ready for anything and then be willing to receive it.  My experience participating in an Arthritis Foundation marathon in Amsterdam is an example of the proverbial silver lining in the cloud.  After I spent months training to race walk the marathon, the event organizers were not prepared for walkers and began shutting the course down after I had been walking only 90 minutes.  To make a long story short, much to my embarrassment and extreme disappointment, I never completed the marathon.  What was the good stuff?  I ended up in excellent physical shape and met my primary goals of raising $4500 and taking my daughters to Europe.  In addition, I wasn’t sore the day after the marathon like everyone else was, enabling me really enjoy my first time in Europe!  The good stuff is there, if we’re open to receiving it.

How Well Do You Receive Praise?

Many years ago I managed a department of about 40 employees.  The department had a major backlog when I was hired, and the company was hoping my fresh perspective and human resources experience would help eliminate it.  It took the work of everyone in the department along with several others throughout the organization, a new understanding of the work process, and about 15 months to get caught up - but we did it!

To celebrate, the team leaders and I held a party which included food (of course!) and a gift and personal recognition for each member of the department.  It was a private event held offsite during which each person was asked to come forward to receive his or her gift.  All but one person happily came to the front to receive their accolades and treasure.  One woman, a particularly strong performer who had been with us for many years, refused to come up.  After several minutes of coaxing by the entire team, she finally, painfully came forward.

If I had it to do over again, I would handle it differently.  While I don’t understand her refusal to be recognized, I learned that we cannot force people to receive.  She eventually took the gift but the neither the givers nor the receiver felt the blessing.  The team leaders and I were so determined to show our appreciation, and she was equally adamant in her refusal to accept it, although what her specific objection was I never did learn.  The irony of it is that her unwillingness to walk up, take the gift, and go back to her seat resulted in far more attention on her than if she had just complied.

People are so stressed and quick to find fault today.  Let’s remember the joy of giving praise, sweet music to almost everyone’s ears.  And when commendations come our way, let’s receive them with grace and ease.