Reframing Your Story

One of the ways we can block of the flow of good into our lives, inhibiting our receiving, is to fall into a victim mode. My New Thought teachers frequently advise being mindful of this, as it is a common trap for people. In the Celestine Prophecy, James Redfield refers to this victim mindset as the “poor me” control drama. He says that people fail to realize where their energy comes from and unconsciously use one of four control dramas, attempting to steal energy from others. Being a victim is one of these methods.

Often you can spot people using a poor me approach when they tell the same sad story about their lives repeatedly. Typically, experiences or “forces” outside of themselves are to blame for their woes. Immediately after the even has occurred, it’s understandable that one might feel victimized. However, when the story takes on a life of its own, and even increases its emotional hold on someone, the victim mentality has set in.

I caught myself hanging on to my own poor me story earlier this year. It was January and I was with a group of friends who hadn’t seen each other for several weeks. We took turns catching each other up and summarizing how 2009 had gone for us. Repeatedly, people spoke of how hard the year had been, not just financially, but also physically and emotionally. Listening to tale after tale made me aware of the story I’d fashioned for myself about one week in May 2009. In the same week last May, my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, my mother-in-law died, my husband lost his job, and a very close friend learned she had cancer. It was a week to forget, not remember!

As I thought about my retelling the story of this week, I realized that I needed to reframe it, to disarm it and put the power for creating my life story back where it belonged – with God and me. (Both Unity and Religious Science teach that we co-create our lives with God and we are never victims of chance.) Upon reflection, I found it easier than I expected to reframe the events. My father’s diagnosis was a blessing really. I already knew he had a serious memory problem. The diagnosis now meant his doctors also knew this and he began receiving top notch care from the Banner Alzheimer’s Institute in Phoenix. The firm diagnosis also made it easier for him to qualify for a VA pension, which enabled him to move into an assisted living facility.

My mother-in-law’s passing was also blessing. At 92, the quality of her life was extremely poor, having suffered from dementia for over ten years and being bedridden from a stroke for almost 18 months. Roger’s job loss was not unexpected. He was able to retire and enjoy himself after years of balancing work and care for his ailing mother. It also enabled him to help me assist my father, whose need for care was increasing.

My friend’s cancer was the hardest to reframe. Being an RN, she faithfully followed her treatment plan, which included receiving both radiation and chemotherapy, and she supplemented the program with excellent nutrition and prayer support. By the time she had the tumor removed, it tested at stage zero cancer – the cancer had been complete eradicated! Still, her treatment was extremely taxing on her and her recovery from the surgery is ongoing. She’s had to learn to ask for and accept help, not an easy thing for a caregiver, and her family has really stepped up, especially her husband. Her marriage is stronger than it’s been in years, and she’s learned a great deal about cancer, giving her even greater insight and compassion as a nurse. I think if she had a choice, she’d take the improved relationship and other blessings over not having cancer.

To increase the flow of good in your life, be aware of the stories you tell. Make sure they empower you and put you in the position to receive even more.