When to Say “No”

Last week I wrote about saying “yes” to receive more, but are there times when saying “no” to something that’s offered is best? Absolutely. Sometimes people give just so they can receive or because it puts them in the position of being owed something. Have ever been around someone who never let you forget what they did for you?

Because giving and receiving are so interconnected, it’s natural to want to give back when we’ve received something. But what if someone offers us something just so we’ll be indebted to them? In my work with singles, I have been told about situations where a woman was uncomfortable accepting help from a man because she felt she would then owe him something. I wrote in my book about a man I dated for several weeks who became increasingly unpleasant to be with. When I confronted him about this, he finally acknowledged that he thought by now, after all the dinners he’d bought me, we’d be “farther along” than we were. I don’t mean to suggest by my examples that this is a male trait; there have been too many stories about mothers laying guilt on their children over their labor and delivery not to have some element of truth to them.

Unfortunately there are occasions when people take advantage of the connection between giving and receiving. The process works when it’s balanced. Pay attention to your inner guidance. Do you feel peace and relief over the offer or is there a knot in your stomach? Now the latter might just be your standard resistance to receiving -- or it could be something more. Proceed with caution and seek the opinion of close, wise friend, if possible. We do need to both give and receive to live a full and joyful life, but they should each be done freely, with no strings attached.