Caregivers Must be Skillful Receivers

As I’ve said repeatedly, we must receive before we can give. When I meet a caregiver, I like to ask them about their ability to receive. Invariably, they tell me that receiving is uncomfortable for them and they’d much rather be giving. Consider this frank statement written about 100 years ago by Myrtle Fillmore, co-founder of the Unity Movement: “Those who need help themselves don’t belong in work where they are continually faced with the problems of others.”

This remark struck me because it reinforces what I’ve been saying: caregivers need to ask for and receive the help they need if they wish to be of assistance to others. This sentiment is echoed by Eric J. Hall, president and CEO of the Alzheimer's Foundation of America in New York City, who said, “I think Americans have trouble asking for help, but you really cannot take care of your loved one by yourself.”

Most, if not all of us at one time or another, are at least part time caregivers for someone. Whether we’re parents, adult children caring for an aging parent, or a spouse tending to a disabled partner, we cannot fill the care-receiver’s needs alone. We must seek out and be willing to accept the help we need, for everyone’s benefit. Sharing the load allows others to give their time, talent, and love. It enriches them and person being cared for, and it gives us the time we need to rest and care for ourselves.

Thankfully, caregivers are getting more attention and support all the time. Don’t let pride, guilt, embarrassment, or unrealistic expectations of yourself keep you from receiving the help you need and deserve.