We Cannot Give If There Is No One To Receive

Have you ever tried to give something only to find that there were no takers? The next time you feel yourself resisting a gift, compliment, offer of help, or any other opportunity to receive, please remember this: your refusal to receive deprives another of the joy of giving. In fact, it is impossible to give when there is no one to receive.

As an entrepreneur and trainer, I’ve had the experience too many times to track. I’ve offered classes where no one has come and proposed workshops where no one enrolled. Perhaps you’ve written a blog that was not read or offered a gift that was refused. In these situations, the natural cycle of giving and receiving is disrupted. The giver is left unfulfilled and the potential receiver goes without. There is no winner in this situation.

As an online college instructor, I experience this phenomenon. I give detailed feedback on my students’ essays because writing is a core business skill and a weakness for many Americans. (I’ve seen it not only in the classroom, but also in the boardroom, as an HR Director.) Some students welcome my feedback and maximize their tuition dollars, grade, and time by making the changes I suggest to improve their writing. Others read and resist my feedback; they don’t receive the lesson or the higher grade. Still others don’t even read my feedback, despite repeated reminders that it’s available to them. They leave the edited document unopened, like a gift left unwrapped on the table. In this case, they continue to make the same mistakes, receiving progressively lower scores with each assignment. Here they lose ground, sacrificing even more than the original gift.

While the loss to the potential receiver is unfortunate, it’s the giver who loses even more. It is natural for us to want to make a difference for others, to use our talents and gifts to create a better world. As Gay Hendricks put it in The Big Leap, “When you reach the end of your life and are wondering whether it’s all been worthwhile, you’ll be measuring whether you did everything you possibly could with the gifts you’ve been given.” The giver has already made an effort, while the receiver has expended no energy other than to say “no.” With my students, I can tell you it makes a significant difference to me whether they respond to my feedback or not. So please, don’t let the opportunity to receive pass you by. Your receiving is one of the greatest blessings you can extend to another!